Educating, Not Asking: How Relationships Are Really Built

A few years ago, I sat in on a donor meeting with a nonprofit I was advising pro bono. The executive director launched right into the ask—before the donor had even taken a sip of coffee. I could feel the tension rise. The donor smiled politely, but the energy never recovered.

Afterward, she told me, “I wanted to learn more about their work first. I wasn’t ready to decide.” That moment stuck with me—and it’s changed how I advise every nonprofit since.

Fundraising isn’t about the ask. It’s about the education.

When we focus only on closing the gift, we miss the opportunity to build something far more powerful: trust.

1. Donors Want to Understand, Not Just Give

Donors—especially thoughtful ones—aren’t ATMs. They’re partners. And partners need context.

They want to understand:

• Why your work matters.

• What problem you’re solving.

• How you’re doing it differently.

• And what results you’ve seen.

Not just in charts—but in real stories, real people, and real outcomes.

In one case, I helped a nonprofit shift their entire pitch from “Here’s what we need” to “Here’s what we’re learning.” The result? The donor increased their gift—and joined the advisory board.

2. Relationships Are Built in Layers

Think of fundraising like building a house. You don’t start with the roof.

Instead, you lay the foundation:

• A newsletter or a thoughtful email.

• A tour of your site or program.

• A story that resonates.

• A transparent update, even when things go off track.

Touchpoints matter. The stronger the foundation, the easier the ask.

One family foundation I work with told me, “We like to watch and listen before we give.” They quietly followed an organization for two years before making a seven-figure gift. That gift didn’t come from a pitch—it came from patient relationship-building.

3. Tell Stories That Stick

Impact metrics are important, but stories are what people remember.

• Share how a child’s life changed because of your program.

• Highlight the passion of your frontline team.

• Let the donor imagine: What would the world lose if this organization didn’t exist?

These stories don’t have to be dramatic. They just have to be real.

4. Make Engagement Easy

Once a donor is interested, make it easy to go deeper:

• Have a follow-up plan.

• Assign a clear point of contact.

• Offer them ways to learn more without pressure—through a field visit, a roundtable, or an event.

Also, be honest about your bandwidth. If you’re a small team, don’t promise personalized updates every week. Trust is built not through perfection, but through reliability.

5. Remember: People Give to People They Trust

Donors aren’t just giving to a cause—they’re investing in you. In your leadership, your consistency, your vision.

Fundraising isn’t a science—it’s an art. It’s about relationships. And relationships take time, transparency, and listening.

In the next blog, we’ll talk about something closely connected: understanding what truly motivates donors to give—and how you can meet them where they are.

Next up: “Why People Give: The Psychology Behind the Gift”