Who Sits at the Table: Picking the Right Decision Makers

The Quiet Power of Choosing the Right People From the Start

I once sat in a board meeting where no one spoke for the first few minutes.

It was a family foundation—one I didn’t help set up, but had been asked to advise after years of tension. The original founder had passed away, and now his adult children were running things. The problem wasn’t money or mission. It was that the people around the table weren’t the right mix. Some were there because of birth order, others because of guilt. No one quite knew how to lead, and everyone was afraid to say the wrong thing.

Moments like that remind me: structure matters, but people shape the soul of a foundation.

Who You Invite In Shapes Everything That Follows

When families ask me how to build a meaningful foundation, I often respond with a question: Who do you want thinking with you?

It’s tempting to default to family alone. And sometimes, that works beautifully. I’ve seen siblings work in harmony, parents mentor children, and three generations find common ground.

But I’ve also seen what happens when expectations go unspoken, or when a sense of duty replaces genuine alignment.

Choosing decision makers isn’t just about who has the legal right to vote. It’s about who brings the curiosity, integrity, and energy to steward something bigger than themselves.

What I’ve Learned Over the Years

1. Alignment Matters More Than ExpertiseOne family I worked with chose a cousin with no philanthropic background over a well-known lawyer. Why? Because she cared deeply about the mission, showed up prepared, and asked the questions no one else thought to ask. Foundations aren’t companies — you’re not hiring a CFO. You’re building a community of stewards.

2. It’s Okay to Include Non-Family MembersI advised a family foundation focused on health equity. No one in the family had a medical background, so they formed an advisory council of researchers, doctors, and practitioners. It didn’t replace the board — it strengthened it. Bringing in outside voices added depth, credibility, and clarity.

3. Diversity Isn’t a Buzzword — It’s a Risk Management ToolOne of the best-run foundations I’ve seen had a board made up of three generations, two nationalities, and a mix of lived experiences. They didn’t always agree, but their conversations were richer. They made better decisions because they weren’t operating in an echo chamber.

4. Roles and Expectations Must Be ClearOne common mistake I see is inviting someone onto the board without a clear job description. I’ve found that writing down even a one-page “board charter” — outlining expectations, terms, responsibilities, and values — can prevent years of confusion.

5. You Can Always Start Small and GrowSome families get overwhelmed by trying to form a perfect board from the beginning. But it’s okay to start with a tight circle — even just two or three trusted voices — and expand later. What matters is starting with intention, not perfection.

A Family in New York Got It Right

One Chinese-American family I worked with was starting a foundation in memory of their father. The siblings were spread across the U.S. and Asia, with very different personalities. At first, they assumed they’d all serve on the board equally. But after some gentle conversations, they decided to let one sibling take the lead as chair, while another focused on impact measurement. They brought in an outside philanthropic advisor to round out the team.

Their foundation isn’t just functioning — it’s thriving. Because they honored each other’s strengths and made space for growth.

Closing Reflection

In philanthropy, there’s a quiet power in who you choose to bring to the table. These are the people who will interpret your mission, steward your resources, and navigate the gray areas you can’t anticipate.

So don’t rush it. Ask yourself: Who listens well? Who disagrees with grace? Who will still be here when the spotlight fades?

Foundations rise or fall not just on ideas or dollars—but on the quality of their decision makers. Choose wisely, and the rest becomes a lot easier.